Conquer Myself

A trailhead waits in the moonlight there
as I race down a highway to escape my despair.
I go onward and forward and faster towards
the mountains that will bring me unseen rewards.

The forest glows by the light of the moon,
And an eerie presence prevails as I arrive too soon.
for the journey is what this place is about
the journey to myself where I can find out about

all the things that I’ve hidden deep within a soul of mine
‘coz I can’t bear to think of what I’ve lost in this life.
The world outside beckoned and these mountains called
And I welcome the challenge to ride them all.

There are moments of bliss and moments of joy
as I carve down the mountain, a gleeful little boy.
Perhaps just a past-time, no, much more than that:
It is an eternity in each moment, you can’t take away that.

For gravity and focus, flow and arcing turns,
something I long for and will forever yearn.
The bicycle’s freedom, and my soul thus restored,
keeps bringing me back for more and for more.

And I’ll take on the challenge and I’m ready now
And I’ll be there tomorrow as the mountains arouse
within me a spirit that I’ve not know before
within me the key to open this door

To another world beyond the moments of my soul
To where I can feel once again whole.
It is just a pastime but much more than that,
It is what I live for when I think about that.

And so I’ll discover myself in those turns,
and I live the trail and forest and curves,
I’ll share with my friends this, who I am
And I’ll express on the mountain what I know I’ve become.

And much more than this and to be true to myself
I won’t take on the mountain–I’ll take on myself.
It’s myself that’s the challenge not the mountains there
It’s myself I must conquer to really go there.

Lonely

No-one can leave
lonely and bleak
the outlook remains.

the only way to deal
with the isolation and pain),
though pained I am not

(there is no apparent pain).

I barely know of the affliction
though it troubles me still,
the hardships around me
they confine me and
they force me to face
a grim reality:

the reality of this illusion,
and oh god it’s so real!

Lonely and bleak,
the countenance remains.
Still the only way to approach
this isolation and pain.

Yet, within many,
a song rises up
to fill their hearts.

(Such is the power of impending doom.)

With an insecure peace,
a calm,
a brief smattering of life again.

(such is the power of a song).

And a song rising up and taking them,
while unmoved, indignified I am.
To sit and to stare
and wonder about all of this,

so mechanical,
so lonely so bleak.

Ha!

Can the power of a song
really move me?

I don’t know.

Club

Pounding thing,
Artificial thump they call music
Is a beast and a noise
An aural irritant
Blithely it grates at my being

Some are inspired to move
None have their mind provoked

It isn’t art
It’s just a commercial
It pushes no boundaries
Supplanting the mediocrity
With the mediocre

It disgusts me.

It is a beat.
It is a a rhythm
Not my beat or rhythm

Not any that advances the
Culture
Expands the art or the mind.

It’s horribly nice.

It isn’t music

It’s a club on a Saturday night
That I want to leave.

And never come back.

Escape from Choice

Life’s changes come
expected or not
Sometimes we’re prepared
Sometimes we’re in a state of blissful ignorance
Or wistfully ignoring
the inevitable path our actions have led us to.

I fear not the coming end.
The escape from complexity
to clarity
or nothingnesss

Either is the greener grass on the other side
of this life

Either is where I won’t object to going,
escaping the complexities
and pressures
of an unsustainable life

or lifestyle

And yet
I am reminded of the many
whose complex situations only
bring out their fortitude
and valor
their perseverance and pride

as they humbly seek the refuge of another country

I too see refuge from another country
another past

and am trapped by that refuge.

The complex, all or nothing
options to escape this complexity
weigh too heavily
on the heart and mind

and make the escape from choice another choice.

I’ll not travel down that choice, but I will not fight it’s arrival.

I am ready.

Thankful.

and sorry.

Uncontrolled

There is this agony inside that uncontrols me,
usurps my will for rational,
usurps my temporal being.
It uncontrols me, without revealing itself
to that being uncontrolled;
it hides itself
from me

it is me

it’s obvious to those around me
but only the closest;
only the few who can be hurt
so easily by me

my only outlet
my only prison

of mind and soul to this uncontrolled
and unstable state of being

a state of me
an obstruction to being free

and a result of lack of freedom
to discover and be me

a cycle inescapable,
but breakable.
by something that’s had no start yet,
which makes it hard to see an end

it’s a wait and see

uncontrolled this cycle.

forgotten sometimes
on a bicycle

but still a looming state
of being

a state that is defining me.
that is me.

Friends

Sometimes I wish that a moment
just wouldn’t end
It’s the moment when I look at you
and understand
without question you’re my friend

it’s when we laugh together
and challenge to do more
and better things than ever
we had done before

It’s in that moment that I know
you’ll always be a part
of something bigger than both of us
something that fills my heart

something that will for ever stand
a testament to life
something we will always have
each other as friends, all time

Worth

Few things in life are worth
Living for.

Far more things in life
Are worth
Dying for.

Possibility of Dreams

I’m inspired by the impossible,
tempted by the improbable
prompted by the possible

the things that cannot be
I dream of

and take solace in the dreaming,
if not in the inactionable
things that cannot be

the things that may have a chance
should happenstance
have her way
tempt me

into continuing the dream

and the solace therein taken

And it is the possible,
the matrix of what can be
against that which cannot;
that prompts me
temps me
inspires me

the possibility of dreams

Goodnight

Sleep eludes me
Leaves me to my thoughts
An incessant barrage
Of menacing
Sleep- depriving thoughts

That won’t let this weary body rest
This weary mind
Won’t let me rest
And enter that peaceful state
In which nothing matters
Nothing perturbs
Nothing distracts but dreams
That take me away to another place
Another plane
Another state in which I am freed
From the day’s interjections
Into this temporary life.

I would welcome sleep
I would welcome rest.
I would welcome the slowing down of an irascible mind

I would welcome freedom
From consciousness.
Goodnight.

Walk This Earth

To know this earth
I walk this earth
I walk alone
in the company of every
living thing around me

I walk the earth
to know this earth
To know myself
I walk alone
in the company of every
living thing around me

I walk the earth
to know myself
to know my past
to see my future
I walk alone
in the company of every
thing that has ever
lived or been

I walk this earth
to know who I am
to know where I go
and from where I came
I walk, never alone
in the company of every
thing that has lived or been
that will live or be
that is living or being.

I’ll walk this earth
until I know myself
my earth
my ancestors
my future

I’ll walk this earth
knowing
life
live or be